What is Religious Trauma?

Colloquially, many of us are probably guilty of describing everyday, unpleasant events as “traumatic.” But what’s the difference between something that’s traumatic and something that’s just really unpleasant? The word “trauma” might call to mind certain horrific events, such as war, torture, or a natural disaster, but trauma isn’t defined by the events that cause it. Trauma can be anything that fundamentally and negatively alters our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. This can be a singular event, repeated events, or even a long-term situation.

In very simple terms, our modern understanding of trauma is the experience of long-term cognitive, emotional, physiological, behavioral, and social impairments resulting from a distressing event or situation. Common trauma symptoms include flashbacks, anxiety, a hyper-activated nervous system, avoidance, and alienation.

Marlene Winell, an American psychologist, coined the term Religious Trauma Syndrome to refer to “the condition experienced by people who are struggling with leaving an authoritarian, dogmatic religion and coping with the damage of indoctrination.” While mental health professionals are moving away from this term, preferring instead to use the term “religious trauma,” Winell’s work has contributed significantly by shedding a light on this previously unexplored phenomenon.

Every story is unique, but there are some common themes that emerge in religious trauma. While this post primarily explores religious trauma in a Christian context, many of these themes can also be found in other religions.

Existential Anxiety

Religion has very clear-cut explanations for our purpose on earth and for what happens when we die. When you leave a religion, you are suddenly unmoored from those meaning-making frameworks and are given the tremendous task of finding these answers for yourself.

What’s more, many people often don’t know what information or sources to trust after leaving a religion. You might have had family members, mentors, or friends in your previous faith who you respected and relied on for guidance. It can be really challenging to reconcile that someone whose opinions you trust—or once trusted—buys into a belief system which no longer makes any sense to you. Some people describe feeling as if they had been “lied to their whole life,” and experience this as a betrayal.

Not only is it hard to trust others after leaving a religion—it can be hard to trust yourself, too. Discarding these religious meaning-making systems can make people question their own capacity for discerning truth and lies. Some people find themselves in a state of constant introspection—always questioning their own judgments and fearful of any trace of their past beliefs, never sure that their ideas are truly their own.

Interpersonal Conflict & Strain

Social relationships are profoundly impacted not just by the decision to leave a religion, but also by the sudden or gradual disbelief that precipitates that decision. Prior to leaving a religion, many people feel a sense of having to hide who they are. The process is not unlike that of “being in the closet” for LGBT people. Some people develop a fractured sense of self—the “fake” person who plays along, pretending to believe, and the “real” self who no one knows. Even after “coming out,” many people still experience a lingering sense of social alienation, afraid that no one will accept that “real” self.

After leaving a religion, many find it difficult to maintain the same relationships with those who knew them as religious. A new tension develops within relationships with friends and family who are still religious. They may treat you differently, pretend that you’re not “really” a non-believer, or even ostracize you from social gatherings and communities.

What’s more, even the secular world can be alienating. In Marlene Winell’s words, some people feel like a “fish out of water” learning for the first time how to navigate building friendships and dating in non-religious communities. It can also feel isolating when people who have never been religious don’t understand the journey of leaving a religion and the trauma that it can entail.

Struggles with Self-esteem & Intimacy

Many branches of Christianity—and some non-Christian religions—place a heavy emphasis on sexual “purity.” These “purity” teachings are pervasive and come in several different flavors, shaming pre-marital sex, non-pro-creational sex, sex within LGBT relationships… and sometimes even kissing, handholding, and dating.

People exposed to these messages often experience intense shame and anxiety around sex, sometimes to the point that they feel completely closed off or disconnected from their sexual selves. Women receive messages that their bodies are inherently “dirty” and “dangerous” –capable of luring men into sin—and men receive messages that their minds are inherently “dirty” and “dangerous”—that they cannot control their sinful impulses. Furthermore, LGBT people are sometimes told that their entire existence is sinful and sexually deviant.

Fears about Sin

The concept of “sin” is immensely powerful because it’s a combination of two concepts: guilt and shame. Guilt is limited to our actions and prompts us to change our behavior. Shame, on the other hand, has nothing to do with action or inaction. Instead, it carries the message that you are irredeemably bad as a person.

While many faiths offer methods of salvation through prayer, confession, or other rituals, some also teach that we are always “sinners,” no matter how much we repent. Some religions even teach that we are “born” sinners and are fundamentally bad from the moment we exit the womb. This can leave an imprint of shame, or a sense that your core identity is bad.

Fears about the afterlife often go hand-in-hand with fears related to sin. Many people who leave a religion are left with a pervasive, nagging, or overwhelming sense of fear. The eternal punishments of going to Hell or missing the Rapture often strike fear in people’s hearts even after they no longer believe in these concepts, which can be confusing and frustrating.

*This post is adapted from a presentation given to the Ex-Religious Network on July 30th, 2021