Religious trauma

What is religious trauma?

“Trauma” in the general sense refers to any events or long-term circumstances which fundamentally alter our beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world. For example, trauma often impacts our ability to trust that others can be relied on for support, in our own agency, and in the capacity for good (in ourselves, others, and the world).

Religion and religious communities can be sources of hope and support. Some religious practices and teachings, however, can cause harm. Many of these practices and teachings are rooted in shame, and the long-term harm of these can result in religious trauma.

Shame is a toxic emotion which makes us feel as if we are fundamentally bad, wrong, or unworthy of love. While we may feel guilty when we do something that goes against our values, guilt is limited to our actions and prompts us to change our behaviour. You might feel guilty that you haven’t responded to that email you got a week ago, but you start to feel better when you finally send off a response.

Shame works differently. Shame isn’t about anything that you’ve done or haven’t done—it’s about who you are as a person. You might think thoughts such as, “I’m a bad person” or “no one will ever love me.” Guilt can sometimes be helpful because it prompts change or action, but shame is toxic because it makes you feel as if nothing you can do will ever “fix” what’s “wrong” with you.

Shame and anxiety about sin

The concept of sin is prevalent in many religious teachings, with some communities being especially preoccupied with it. You may feel a deep sense of shame that you will always be a “sinner,” and a sinking sense of futility that nothing you do can ever change that, no matter how many times you repent. You may have even been taught that you were born with sin. Some people who experience this type of shame may also experience an intense fear that they will go to Hell because of their sin.

Sexual shame and struggles with intimacy

If you experience sexual shame, you might feel anxiety and self-hatred around your sexual thoughts and experiences. Some religious teachings, such as those that based in Purity Culture, emphasize that sex is “dirty” and “wrong.” These teachings are often particularly shaming of pre-marital or LGBT sexual relationships. Sometimes, the messages are so strong that you may still feel shame and self-disgust even if you followed the teachings and are in a heterosexual relationship where you waited until marriage to have sex. Many people who experience this kind of shame struggle with feelings that their very minds or bodies are fundamentally “impure.”

Gender shame

Sexual shame can sometimes extend to shame about your gender—for example, if you are a woman, feeling that your body is “dirty” or “dangerous” because it attracts men, and feeling responsible for managing their attraction. Women sometimes receive shaming messages about how their gender should behave. For example, some women are taught that they must be docile, quiet, and not take up too much space. Men can also receive harmful messages that can cause shame, such as the message that they cannot be trusted to control themselves—particularly when it comes to sex.

Confusion and shame in doubting

Religion often places a strong value on faith, which can create intense feelings of shame if you find that there is something about your religion which you do not understand or agree with. These feelings of shame can be particularly strong if your religious community dismisses or punishes questions. You may start to feel that it’s not okay for you to express yourself, both inside and outside of your religious community. These feelings of shame can also turn into anger and resentment. Even if you have left your religious community, these feelings can persist.

Existential anxiety

If you have left a religion, you may find yourself struggling with the intense anxiety of having to find the answers to existence which were previously taken for granted. It can feel like a betrayal when the explanations that you were given about the nature of existence and human purpose suddenly feel like lies. You may be wondering whose judgment can you trust in discerning the truth, especially when it comes to these important life questions. What’s more, you may no longer trust your own capacity for finding the answers yourself.

You don’t have to navigate this alone.

Religious trauma is complex and presents in deeply personal ways—no two people experience it in exactly the same way. The process of healing from religious trauma is also unique to each person. For some, this may entail breaking away from your religious community or dealing with the impact of leaving and the trauma that still remains. For others, the healing process may be about finding a healthy way to maintain your connection to your faith while setting boundaries to disengage with teachings, practices, and communities that inflict harm.

At Considered Counselling, we provide a safe, non-judgmental space to explore the impact of religious trauma on your life and to help you find a path forward. Whatever your healing process entails, we will be there with you each step of the way.